“you’re being selfish.”
"you'll change your mind.”
“now that I have children, my life has true meaning!”
“aren’t you worried there’ll be no one to look after you when you’re old?”
“aren’t you worried your partner will leave you if you don’t give him kids?”
“you’ll be lonely.”
“that’s a shame, you would make such a great mom.”
this post is for anyone who has felt ‘not enough’ by pursuing a life without children. it took me two years to write this blog; in july 2020, my partner and i made a decision to be intentionally childfree, which resulted in a vasectomy. as someone who advocates for living an unapologetic life, and challenging the norms of hetero-culture and oppressive harms of patriarchy… i was finding myself still cautious to share my decision of living a childfree life. i had so many fears about letting people in about my decision, including:
people thinking that i hate children
that i am a witch
my friends who are mothers will no longer want to spend time with me; i’ll be an alien to them
clients who are parents will no longer want to work with me
relationship therapy clients? oh yeah, they will leave you too
no one is going to invite me to their kids birthday party anymore
halloween is weird as an adult if you don’t have kids (and i love halloween)
generally, i felt that i would be discriminated against for the decision i made about my body and my choices. however, what i found once i started sharing with people in my life, colleagues, and clients… was understanding. i found the support i received from mothers to be the most profound. they echoed the frustration of living in a pro-natal world, the expectation of all people with a uterus to birth children and the oppressive experiences of motherhood. additionally, i have enjoyed leaning into the deconstruction of ‘motherhood’ and celebrating ways that all humans, irrespective of gender, can lean into deep nurturance and care. such nurturance can include caring for loved ones (especially chosen family), animals, plants, the environment and most importantly… caring for self.